to betray another in my opinion is to do something to try and destroy pride and break ones character, betrayal is a weakness within, almost a tradition. a true lack of self respect and loyalty.

whenever i have been betrayed in my life i have tried to understand why. what did i ever do to deserve that betrayal? im no angel, but i honestly feel in many of the times of deciept and betrayal throughout my life are not directly of my doing in every single instance. if you can betray someone beloved or sacred numerous times while the person being betrayed is being worshiped, you are a truly weak soul with no self respect, genuine confidence, and a huge lack of character, maybe even a lifetime chip on the shoulder or the worlds against me complex, who knows what each soul indivually feels or thinks when they do such acts. those acts can scar a man to the point of insanity or just stripping a man of his individual pride. sometimes these actions may be life long events that never heal, or a question unanswered, but the point here truly is, that loyalty is religion. loyalty is my genuine religion, and i will die with that as my word, when it comes down to it, we only have our word. love is debatable, but our own individual genuine truth is bulletproof. ive given as much as ive taken, maybe not, karma is as hard to understand as life is to me, thats why i think our lives are “karma”. we all get what we give, admitted or not, i just hate having a word to relate it to. language is so destructive to me, thats why i stand by my word, for it is the most leathal weapon and shield we all each have to defend ourselves.


wow. what a fucking day, being sober is just another dimension, one of clarity that i have missed for so long, its almost as if i intended to destroy my own clarity, looking back on the past 13 months, id say im exactlly correct. i really did dilute my soul with toxic thoughts and a chaotic lifestyle, time to reaccess myself and see what besides clarity i am missing. help me out if you can, my head is so full of questions, not one single answer. i just want to be true to everyone, even demons that may sleep amoungst my nest, do as they say, not as they do i guess. those who have caused me turmoil already have it upon them, thats why its amplified towards me. i can recognize that from my own shallow way of thinking, but when youre the one who has been betrayed, there are no worries, just find an answer in whatever event or events that caused that betrayal, and know some form of divine justice will come back at some point to that certain individual. maybe thats the masochist in all of us were scared to face or admit.

here -

masochist

1. The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.

2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself.

3. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences

if you ever hurt me or anyone, its coming for your ass. i am no different, but as of now, i have zero appology.




to all of those who love me, thank you so much.

to all those who dont, thank you so little.

sleepy. ah, finally.

-christ.

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