to betray another in my opinion is to do something to try and destroy pride and break ones character, betrayal is a weakness within, almost a tradition. a true lack of self respect and loyalty.

whenever i have been betrayed in my life i have tried to understand why. what did i ever do to deserve that betrayal? im no angel, but i honestly feel in many of the times of deciept and betrayal throughout my life are not directly of my doing in every single instance. if you can betray someone beloved or sacred numerous times while the person being betrayed is being worshiped, you are a truly weak soul with no self respect, genuine confidence, and a huge lack of character, maybe even a lifetime chip on the shoulder or the worlds against me complex, who knows what each soul indivually feels or thinks when they do such acts. those acts can scar a man to the point of insanity or just stripping a man of his individual pride. sometimes these actions may be life long events that never heal, or a question unanswered, but the point here truly is, that loyalty is religion. loyalty is my genuine religion, and i will die with that as my word, when it comes down to it, we only have our word. love is debatable, but our own individual genuine truth is bulletproof. ive given as much as ive taken, maybe not, karma is as hard to understand as life is to me, thats why i think our lives are “karma”. we all get what we give, admitted or not, i just hate having a word to relate it to. language is so destructive to me, thats why i stand by my word, for it is the most leathal weapon and shield we all each have to defend ourselves.


wow. what a fucking day, being sober is just another dimension, one of clarity that i have missed for so long, its almost as if i intended to destroy my own clarity, looking back on the past 13 months, id say im exactlly correct. i really did dilute my soul with toxic thoughts and a chaotic lifestyle, time to reaccess myself and see what besides clarity i am missing. help me out if you can, my head is so full of questions, not one single answer. i just want to be true to everyone, even demons that may sleep amoungst my nest, do as they say, not as they do i guess. those who have caused me turmoil already have it upon them, thats why its amplified towards me. i can recognize that from my own shallow way of thinking, but when youre the one who has been betrayed, there are no worries, just find an answer in whatever event or events that caused that betrayal, and know some form of divine justice will come back at some point to that certain individual. maybe thats the masochist in all of us were scared to face or admit.

here -

masochist

1. The deriving of sexual gratification, or the tendency to derive sexual gratification, from being physically or emotionally abused.

2. The deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself.

3. A willingness or tendency to subject oneself to unpleasant or trying experiences

if you ever hurt me or anyone, its coming for your ass. i am no different, but as of now, i have zero appology.




to all of those who love me, thank you so much.

to all those who dont, thank you so little.

sleepy. ah, finally.

-christ.

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for the odder, the father of a gardener, or was it a carpenter? all i remember it was late in september, i hated november, couldnt wait till december, seemed like forever is just never let her get furs. selfless selfish shellfish on a shelf list for christmas. all you pythons with your life gone, shame me away? fuck that, ill come back anyways, on the seventh day, known this way. mommys fragile little facist cant seem to get past this, antiquity is divinity, solar trinity is my own sovereign entity to battle thy enemy, i have a friend in me, i asked her for less envy, shes a bottom feeder, steals energy and then she cuts and shes a attention bleeder. at least someone payed attention for her worthless cries for help, she was numb, never felt, she left a trail of hell bent, stolen things back shes lent. pathetic was her rhetoric, shes anorexic, maybe even platic dramatic and spastic, just a watered down low-self esteem dream team queen cokehead fiend who cant fit in the scene acting 12 or 13, so mean, not even lean, just bones under her flesh suit, she faked when she ate fruit, how stupid, she would just go and puke it.

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i am a leader, always have been, always will be. i simply know what i dont know lets put it that way. i will say however, that we are being led into pandoras box with no answers at all about anything about any nature whatsoever. i want all of us to stand up against everything weve ever been told, as it is just simply a world of lies. this is never acceptable ever. we need answers to know whats hidden. remember that there are no secret societies, just a society full of secrets, a freemason told me that. just trust in me and know that i will never never never lie to you or anyone, we must remain loyal amongst ourselves in order to retain order and to be loyal to everyone involved. trust is a priceless virtue that we all need to uphold, after all all we have is our word. our word is our bond. really, were being fucked into obliteration right now, time is running short, we all need to chain together and network so we can see the unseen truth.  these resources we have will be taken away in time, soon in my honest opinion. so we must utilize it as much as possible so we can stay sovereign. please join in, and sign up. we are all one entity, lets throw away any difference, and look beyond tomorrow, not just for once, for forever. its fucking war motherfuckers.

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im a young man, learning that there is even more questions behind each answer, i look back upon my self, and sometimes feel ashamed, but the experience i have earned made it all worth it. i know i dont know much, the age of revealing (mayian) is here, and i am watching this world unravel at sonar speed, im just trying to not stare down at my feet to long, so i cant enjoy the moment, and look to that end. im just a man.

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every where i look and see businesses or logos all i see is sacred symbols on everything i see, all of it tying back to the old world. its funny because i know certain astrological signs are used more often durin cretain times of the year. mcdonalds is the rams horns of aries, red and yellow and attraction and power, i know all fast food places use red and yellow, i just dont know why. ive been studying this for oer a year, and i can say as an artist, i want to use the moodras for my own work. i just have no idea about the origin, or cause for why we are being fed this subserviant bullshit.

out of all the companies here in the us, products definetly included, are the names of things we dont even know what they mean, or what the name came from?

think about that shit.

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and yes im talking about molicules and particles forming our reality or dimension in any form whatsoever. all i know is that i dont know anything, i dont believe anything around me, what im told, anything. realitys a tricky thing when you read BEHIND the lines, not in between them. there is no “mid-life crisis” is all life crisis, we dont even knoe anything besides our own material lust and personal desires. im definetlly no fucking better, i just want to understand whats at the top of the top top top pyramid. guess ive been watching too much michael tsarion on pills. hah. someone just give me some form of answer or reply and try and explain any form of being or existance. ive got 10 (ten) currency bills saying you cant do it without metaphor.

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